Confession

I have a confession to make. I am a crazy mama. 70% of the time I am nice and happy. The rest of the time I am a lunatic. I go around shouting commands and threatening punishments. This side of me typically shows when we are running late or in a hurry. Or when I am tired or upset. Normally in the mornings before preschool. The problem seems to be that I don't deal well with stressful situations. I get very anxious and take that out on my kids or the people who I should show the most love. Not insanity.

Example: Last night I got off work at 11:30 pm, was asleep by 12:45. Sal the same. Except he worked 5am-4:30 then worked on the house till 11 picked the kids up from my moms and met me at his house. He is off work today and told me last night he'd take the children to preschool. So I'm like- Sweet, I get to sleep in!
Wrong. We both woke up and I ended up taking them to school. He slept ns extra 15 minutes and then relaxed t the house for a few hours while I ran errands.
This morning I was mad. So mad because I was tired, we were already late (daylight saving was like 3 days ago and my kids(otherwise known as my alarm clock) are still sleeping in) and there were no clean clothes.
So I flipped. I yelled at Sal, for lying. I yelled at little Sal as KJ for ignoring me or moving too slow or not eating their breakfast or whining, everything.

They are not the problem. In this situation I am. Sal didn't lie. He fully intended to wake up and let me sleep in. After getting up at 5am and working 11.5 hours at his day job and then 6 hours at the house, doing physical work at both places how can I be mad? I really have no right. He clearly worked harder than me. The kids are just kids. They move slow, they whine, they do all of the things kids do. I've been a mother for over 5 years. This is not news to me. Instead of expecting my children to magically act perfect I need to accept that they are perfect the way they are. Perfectly normal. For now. Until I ruin their sweet little selves with my lunacy. Scaring them forever with my shouting.

I know what I need to do. Doing it is the hard part. I could avoid a ton of stress with a little preparation. Picking clothes out before bed. Setting my- real alarm clock and sticking to it. Having all of our belongings by the front door and breakfast already planned. These little things could potentially make a big difference in my mornings. Or I may just find something else to be stressed about. Equally possible.